quercusoptima | [aather] Candle Call post

C-can't I just have wanted to talk to you?!

That's just one of several topics we could talk about.

... Amethyst has lost another person. And there was a game where Pascal died unnecessarily, because he believes in self-sacrifice.

I don't want to depress you.

[shakes his head]

I know what it was like. I'm not that easily disheartened.

N-nonetheless!

I think you would have to try a lot harder to upset me than you think.

... I know, but it doesn't mean I want to be the bearer of bad new.

I'd rather know than not.

... well, now you know!

Is there any more?

... Mikage's probably mentioned it to you, right?

Yes, but I want to hear your side of things.

I don't know where to start!

The beginning is good.

That would be the beginning of our friendship in the first place!

Souya's off running around. I have time.

I don't want to waste the candle talking about it! i just... he just... he started joking about it, and it made me realize that I wouldn't really... and then he kept giving me these memories with all these feelings and kissed the top of my head, how couldn't I respond?! But I know it's selfish, because... because it's not respecting Shuri and I shouldn't have done it, so it doesn't matter!

It does matter, though. Just trying to ignore it like that won't make things better, Teito.

I don't want it to change anything! It's... it's better to act like I didn't do it, that way no one will be hurt!

... Your feelings are legitimate too, Teito. And you're not going to help anyone by just ignoring them.

They're not!

[ ... wow that was an awkward outburst, um. ]

...... if all they're going to do is hurt people, or make them do bad things...... or... if they do have any authority at all, then my feelings on the matter are already decided anyway. I want it ignored!

And is that going to actually make anyone feel better at all?

It's better than the alternative.

Is it? Pretending that there's nothing when there's something there, hiding for what you think is the sake of others ... that sort of thing might be better in the short term, but not the long run.

How can you say what will happen in the long run, or create a better future? It's not as if I'm not hiding my feelings from myself, but going ahead and acting on them-- that's something else entirely!

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Re: Day 165, tea time

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