I was just bewildered by how much he... he wants to believe in me! And... I don't want to lose him, or have anyone else lose him because or me! Also... I realize that my opinion of myself and my worth is terribly low, and it gets worse every memory no matter how much I know people value me... but even knowing that, I'm not someone-- who's got the ability to grant Mikage happiness! He should chose his happiness freely without me interfering! Especially when he's already chosen that sort of happiness with someone else, and I don't have a right to step in on Shuri's happiness either! How can I even say I value Mikage's happiness when I do that! And Shuti... I know he cares for Mikage a lot! Probably more than I'm able to give, because... because I just take and become reliant on Mikage's emotions, rather than...
[ He takes a shaky breath. ]
It's not repression, it's facing the truth of things. If I was a stronger person, then maybe I'd be able to voice my feelings or act on them, but I don't trust myself to do that without faltering or ruining things more. So it's better for me to just put my feelings, my selfishness aside.
[listening, letting him get that all out, and waiting until it's clear he's done]
As you said, Mikage does have the right to choose his happiness. But that means knowing that you might care about him too. He told me that he doesn't know yet what he wants. So to force him one way or the other isn't fair to him, either. It should wait until he can talk to Shuri again, but just cutting things off like that ... it doesn't seem right.
But if someone believes in you that strongly, there's a good reason for that.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 05:19 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:24 am (UTC)[ He takes a shaky breath. ]
It's not repression, it's facing the truth of things. If I was a stronger person, then maybe I'd be able to voice my feelings or act on them, but I don't trust myself to do that without faltering or ruining things more. So it's better for me to just put my feelings, my selfishness aside.
Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:31 am (UTC)As you said, Mikage does have the right to choose his happiness. But that means knowing that you might care about him too. He told me that he doesn't know yet what he wants. So to force him one way or the other isn't fair to him, either. It should wait until he can talk to Shuri again, but just cutting things off like that ... it doesn't seem right.
But if someone believes in you that strongly, there's a good reason for that.
Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:35 am (UTC)Sorry for taking up your time.
Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:39 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:41 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:44 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:45 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:46 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:47 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 06:58 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 07:00 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 07:03 am (UTC)Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 07:07 am (UTC)I'll try and make sure you don't regret believing that.
Re: Day 165, tea time
Date: 2012-08-04 07:12 am (UTC)You'll succeed.