// Hakuren Oak (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quercusoptima) wrote2012-08-01 12:04 am
quercusoptima) wrote2012-08-01 12:04 am
[aather] Candle Call post
[JUST DROP THE DAY/TIME IN THE SUBJECT LINE]
They'd have to get ahold of your candle first!
Then what is it? Explain it to me.
Some dreams aren't bad, but I'm afraid you'll have to give up on that one.
Otherwise... I'm good! We saved a second realm, one of my best friends came back from the Darkness, and I'm Firebird's knight.
Congratulations to him, then. And to all of you for helping get him out.
I was just bewildered by how much he... he wants to believe in me! And... I don't want to lose him, or have anyone else lose him because or me! Also... I realize that my opinion of myself and my worth is terribly low, and it gets worse every memory no matter how much I know people value me... but even knowing that, I'm not someone-- who's got the ability to grant Mikage happiness! He should chose his happiness freely without me interfering! Especially when he's already chosen that sort of happiness with someone else, and I don't have a right to step in on Shuri's happiness either! How can I even say I value Mikage's happiness when I do that! And Shuti... I know he cares for Mikage a lot! Probably more than I'm able to give, because... because I just take and become reliant on Mikage's emotions, rather than...
[ He takes a shaky breath. ]
It's not repression, it's facing the truth of things. If I was a stronger person, then maybe I'd be able to voice my feelings or act on them, but I don't trust myself to do that without faltering or ruining things more. So it's better for me to just put my feelings, my selfishness aside.
[ He takes a shaky breath. ]
It's not repression, it's facing the truth of things. If I was a stronger person, then maybe I'd be able to voice my feelings or act on them, but I don't trust myself to do that without faltering or ruining things more. So it's better for me to just put my feelings, my selfishness aside.
[listening, letting him get that all out, and waiting until it's clear he's done]
As you said, Mikage does have the right to choose his happiness. But that means knowing that you might care about him too. He told me that he doesn't know yet what he wants. So to force him one way or the other isn't fair to him, either. It should wait until he can talk to Shuri again, but just cutting things off like that ... it doesn't seem right.
But if someone believes in you that strongly, there's a good reason for that.
As you said, Mikage does have the right to choose his happiness. But that means knowing that you might care about him too. He told me that he doesn't know yet what he wants. So to force him one way or the other isn't fair to him, either. It should wait until he can talk to Shuri again, but just cutting things off like that ... it doesn't seem right.
But if someone believes in you that strongly, there's a good reason for that.
. . .
Sorry for taking up your time.
Sorry for taking up your time.
I know! If you think you're frustrated, I can guarantee I frustrate myself more!
Worried, perhaps. You're my best friend, you know -- I want you to be as happy as you deserve.
... you should rethink your friends.
[ ... this is a long pause which speaks volumes of doubt ]
Page 6 of 21